[THOUGHTS] What is Relaxing?

So, I’m on another drawing ban, this time right before I hit a depression mode. I’m trying to see if I can stop myself from falling into depression. I have unfortunately fallen victim to anxiety and some unhelpful anger, but I have been fortunate not to fall into depression yet.

I think the worse thing about right now is that my body seems to want to relax, but at the same time be productive. There’s a fear that if I even take the time to relax, I’ll fall into a state of procrastination and laziness and have to work on getting myself out of it again like I had done numerous times in the past. My anxiety is calling for me to work on various projects, while my anger is telling me, no, don’t. Dang it feelings, why must you be so conflicted.

I don’t even KNOW what to do to relax. It seems like everything might potentially make my anxiety worse.

Should I get back to playing video games? I still have the third episode of The Tyranny of King Washington DLC for Assassin’s Creed 3 to play. I would like to finish Pocket Monsters White 2 before Pocket Monsters X & Y come out. I still need to finish L.A.Noire because I’m about 3/4ths done with the game and I would like to sell it back to Gamestop because that game is a bit too boring for my liking. I have numerous Gamecube games I would love to try and play again (and complete!). Let’s not forget that I have a load of DS, 3DS, and Virtual console games, and I still need to finish the original N64 version of Ocarina of Time so I can actually give the game back to my uncle.

Or perhaps I should get back to reading. I have a lot of books I started reading and still haven’t finished. I also have a bunch of manga to continue reading and deciding if I should continue with my re-reviews or not (I think I should, actually, but a part of me is telling me don’t bother). I have a few manga sitting on my file cabinet, waiting for me to read them, to continue with my “read all my manga” project.

Oh, parapara! I want to do that too, but currently I have too much anger and anxiety and music makes it worse, so that’s out of the question for this particular moment. I still need to finish relearning “Shock Out” and actually learn “Mickey Mouse March”. I finally have my mirror back in my room, so I can watch myself in the mirror and correct myself where I need too.

Watching TV shows and catching up on them is another option. I’m very behind in Pokémon, but I think I could catch up pretty quickly. I’m also behind in other shows too, like Once Upon a Time, and um…I think there’s more, but I could be wrong. A lot of shows that I had/have been watching seemed to be done for this season, so I don’t think there’s too many to watch. I know I also want to rewatch (or watch for the first time) all the anime on my shelf, actually watch all the movies I own. Should I?

I want to/need to sew as well. I want to make a pencil pouch for work (I have enough scrap fabric and random zippers to do so), among other things. I’m not sure though if I draw the patterns, if that violates my drawing ban? I know I set the ban on myself, but there’s still things that fall into a gray area. I guess though since I’m still DRAWING, it should be considered part of my drawing ban. Unless I don’t draw anything. Then it should be fine.

I also want to make soap and candles.

Geeeeeeez, there’s so much I want to do.

Oh, and I want to continue writing blog entries on here! It’s kind of fun. Well, fun enough anyway, even if it gets boring. I need to start queuing up the images that are to be posted this month. I have three queued, but there’s more to do.

No wonder I’m almost never bored.