[RAMBLES] Overwhelming Stuff

WARNING: Too lazy to edit this post. If there is something odd in here, try to guess what I was suppose to be saying instead. You’re probably right about it.

The last post on artwork was something I wrote a few weeks ago, but didn’t get to finish editing until tonight. I think it’s kind of an important post for me because it goes into my fears about artwork. Kind of sad I mostly fear people asking me “why didn’t you finish it” to an image I already considered finished, huh? In terms of my stance on artwork, not quite in the mood, but it’s still something I can do. If I take it much more casually (except for commissions – those I can be more serious with), I should be fine, at least for now.

I actually wanted to write this post about how overwhelmed, lazy, and tired I’m feeling currently. It’s been that way since March. Yes, there has been some high points. I still manage to pull through. Unfortunately, those minor “excitement highs” that I experience go away rather quickly and I’m forced to deal with utter laziness. Even my usual technique for motivating me (actually STARTING something) doesn’t even keep me going right now. I’m just don’t feel like doing anything.

What’s Going On in My Mind

My mind recently shut down on me. If you don’t know what that means, it means it went blank. Usually my brain does this when I start getting stressed over something and is a pretty handy “safety feature”, if you ask me. This particular time was because I was overwhelmed.

Work has deemed me their “graphic designer”, which I’m actually very honoured to do. I’m actually excited I can use my mediocre skills in Photoshop to create things they’re actually going to use. Until they find people who can more amazing stuff than me. Granted, those people are probably professional graphic designers who already have careers, so maybe I’m safe.

Probably not.

Work has me doing a project of redesigning something they give to their associates for doing an awesome job. I am actually super excited about this project! I actually already started the project.

So, how did this lead me to be overwhelmed?

I began to feel guilty.

Not because I have mediocre skills, but rather because of all the other stuff I have to do.

Commissions are the first things that pounce on top of the “work project”, roaring at me to complete them. I have two from my March set and I have one that I have to actually start (I haven’t even sketched it) from my April set – ALL are paid for at this point. I like these commissions a lot, so I’m looking forward to finishing them, despite my utter lack of motivation for completing them.

Then there’s my room, which has to be clean. Okay, so I’ve been pretty good at gradually cleaning it, but it is certainly not enough! This wouldn’t be so important to me (or rather, I wouldn’t be forcing it to be important to me) if we didn’t have a house showing on Sunday, argh. My room isn’t bad, so hopefully it needs tidying up before anything else.

Climbing on top of the commissions, cleaning my room, and the work project would be my website and Kelly’s Journey. While Kelly’s Journey isn’t complaining as much (I think the story is thankful that I even started episode 21 and the episode 3 rewrite), the website is beginning to get very impatient. I’ve been too lazy to even try to code the blog because the website I’m using is quite annoying.

Thinking about the work project, commissions, cleaning my room, writing Kelly’s Journey, AND coding my blog begins to overwhelm me, even more so when I start thinking about how I need throw in sleeping and eating in there somewhere.

I do recognize that my brain is giving me all sorts of excuses as to why I’m not doing everything and I feel like I need to squash it. I can’t squash it though until I figure out what I need to do!

It probably seems easy, right? Just prioritize! Yeah, well, it’s kinda hard when you have three priorities, all TOP priorities. Time-sensitivity is usually a contributing factor to my decisions, but I need to lay that down…as well as what my brain is nagging me to do. I don’t feel like dealing with my brain’s tantrums when I go against what it wants me to do.

Top Priorities: Work Project, Commissions, Cleaning my room
Technically-Optional-But-I-Still-Want-To-Do: Website, Kelly’s Journey

Work Project – somewhat time sensitive. It has to be done in a reasonable fashion. I actually wanted it done on Thursday, but you know, I had to sleep. I probably should have done it on Friday, since I had it off, but I felt too tired and just wanted to relax. My brain is still shut down in this aspect. I was given the deadline of Tuesday.

Commissions – I was not given a deadline on any of these so, theoretically, I could take all year. However, that’s stupid of me. I WANT to finish these commissions! I really like how they look and am excited to see them completed. I also want to start on the April one I have and end this current set so my clients can start ordering the next ones they want. Maybe, just maybe I can try finishing them this week. I’m excited about them! I feel bad that they’re 100% paid for and I haven’t completed them. I also feel guilty that I haven’t started the already-paid April commission yet.

Cleaning My Room – ULTRA TIME SENSITIVE. As in Sunday. I probably should do this first, huh. I mean, once this is out of the way, my number of top priorities goes down. With this being time sensitive, it needs to be number one.

Website – I actually feel guilty for not working on my website. This blog needs a new dress and I’m still cutting out the pieces. I can’t work on the rest of my website either until this blog has its layout. A part of me wants to give up and just pay someone to do my ideal layout…but naaaah, let me make it harder on myself (and probably a bit more fun) and just do the layout on my own.

Kelly’s Journey – I’m not really too guilty about this one. I don’t really like the intro of episode 21 — it lacks the kind of details I wanted it to have. I feel like this happens with every episode, and with every episode, I get better by the time I finish it. Episode 3 feels like it’s going along nicely. It’s made a lot easier that I’m simply fleshing out what I already wrote. I hope I’m right when I reread it. This is high on my to-do list (I’m still hoping I can spit out four episodes in one month, COME ON ME), but I know it can wait a bit longer since I actually started it.

Taking a step back, I think I just need to follow what I know I can handle: two projects at a time. I might be able to handle three if I wake up a few hours before work, but for the most part, it’s two projects. (Okay, I know not all of these are “projects”, like cleaning my room, but for the sake of this blog entry, that’s what I’m grouping it under.) I also need to take in mind my balance rule: one thing for me, one thing for someone else.

Out of my three top-priorities, I would have to choose cleaning my room. I HAVE to have it completed by SUNDAY (yes, THIS Sunday). If I didn’t have to have it done by Sunday, trust me, it would have stayed messy. Scattered papers on the floor? Doesn’t bother me. Empty cans around my room? Sort of bothers me, but meh, I can wait until it starts eating away at me. Of course, these are not things you can have at a house showing.

Once the room cleaning is completed, I would immediately do the work project next. My brain is feeling stifled by it currently, most likely because I was given the project the day after I completed another one. Not that I’m not happy about getting another project, but I’m worn out. Oh well…once it’s done, it’s done! I plan on getting it done by Monday. It’ll be so AWESOME! I can’t wait to see the finished product actually being used.

Once these two are completed, I should be able to get back to commissions until I’m given some other project. This means…I’ll probably work on commissions on Tuesday, when I have work off next.

Then there’s the stuff I’m doing for me: my website and Kelly’s Journey. They’re both nagging at me evenly, so I’m not sure what to go with.

Actually, do you know what, I’ll go with Kelly’s Journey episode 3 and write that until I feel SO guilty that I haven’t worked on my website or episode 21, that I have to switch over to them!

…or I’ll just write Kelly’s Journey episode 3 until I get back to commissions on Tuesday, then work on my website. I really need to make this blog’s layout the way I want it to be.

In short:
Today: Clean My Room/Kelly’s Journey episode 3
Sunday: Work Project/Kelly’s Journey episode 3
Monday: Work Project/Kelly’s Journey episode 3
Tuesday: Commissions/Website

(Off-topic: I wonder if episode 3 will be the opposite problem of episode 2?)

Okay, myself, that above schedule is what I’m going with. It also applies to the AM/PM. For instance, at 1 AM on Monday night, you can work on that Work Project to bring it in later that day. Got it? Good.

Physical Reasons For My Laziness

I actually think part of my laziness has to come from a lack of energy. A lack of energy that comes from a lack of sleep. There’s probably a lack of a few other things too, but I believe that a lack of sleep is the largest contributing factor. This is obviously entirely my fault though – I don’t go to sleep as early as I should. I usually go to bed after 6 AM, even though I should probably be in bed 3 hours earlier. Then I have to force myself to get up, running on very few hours of sleep (often 4 hours or less), work a good 7 to 8 hours, then come home and do it all again. No wonder I sleep 10 to 12 hours on my days off! All I want to do is sleep, but there’s just some part of me that is saying to me, no, don’t sleep! Stay up! Even if you do absolutely nothing. It’s so…unproductive.

Actually, yeah, that’s probably the main reason. I don’t really have anything else to say for here.


Overall…I need more sleep and my tip-top priority right now is to get my room cleaned, then, immediately after, WORK PROJECT.