Just Another Artwork Rant (I Hate It Still)

Why?

WHY?

WHY DO I INSIST ON CONTINUING ARTWORK WHEN I HATE IT SO MUCH?

Doodling is fine. Sketching, that’s sometimes fun to.

Oh, but then freakin’ line art and the freakin’ colouring and all that crap.

Why.

WHY DO I DO THAT.

WHY.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

I HATE IT.

I HATE ALL OF IT.

I HATE IT ALL

I HATE IT

HATE IT

HATE IT

I think artwork is perhaps the most pointless, time-consuming, stressful, un-fun, annoying, anger-inducing thing I have ever done. I don’t even know why!

Is it the amount of time it takes? Is it the way it acts as both a way to procrastinate AND to be productive? Is it how I draw and just how much I suck, no matter how many times people like to try and tell me “I love your artwork” — well, yeah; you might love it, but it doesn’t mean it’s good!

Like, a large portion why I even decided to continue it was because I feel/felt like it’s a type of “foot in the door”…but foot in WHAT door exactly? I don’t freakin’ know. It’s something that’s gonna take me places I don’t even know.

Maybe it won’t take me anywhere though.

I’m obviously just wasting my time and energy and I should give up on artwork. I should just quit.

I should quit.

I suck.

I hate it.

I hate it.

And to all the people who think it’s a passion of mine and think it’s my life, YOU ALL SUCK.

The only passion it is for me is ONE OF HATE.

THE ENTIRE PROCESS SUCKS. IT IS AWFUL.

I need to stop being in denial about how much I hate artwork. I need to stop being in denial about how much I hate drawing artwork for others. I need to stop being in denial that I’m good. I suck. I suck. I suck. I suck.

My commissions are priced too high now.

I don’t even want to do commissions.

What was I thinking? Really, I want to try and form a business over this crap? I am an idiot.

I don’t even think I can express my anger and sadness in words. It more needs to be screamed with my voice of how awful this process and how awful artwork is and I just hate it.

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

I can’t figure out if I should just give up on it or not and what are the consequences of giving it up? What are the positives? (Well, obviously I won’t be hating artwork and it won’t matter if I suck because anything I draw will be only for me anyway!)

I know this isn’t the first time I ranted about artwork. I think more often than not, it comes from drawing artwork for others. I’m probably sick of drawing artwork for others. Even ones I voluntarily take on.

I still hate just drawing in general because now it’s all like “oooh, there’s an imperfection, LET ME GO TRY AND FIX IT AND FAIL A BILLION TIMES OVER BECAUSE I SUCK” and it just kills everything and I should just stop

Just stop

I have to think long and hard if I want to quit

I need to stop being in denial

My business cards were a waste of money

Everything is a waste

I am done

Let me think about quitting seriously. I may actually have to do that.

It’s not like I haven’t written about this before.

And I keep coming back to artwork. Partially to procrastinate. Partially to be productive. Partially because I suddenly want to. But it always seems to end with me utterly miserable.

I’m ready to chuck my computer now and all my drawing equipment and just destroy everything

Just utterly everything

Artwork, you suck. You are the worst. I hate you. I hate you so much. Why do I keep going through this cycle? WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY. I KNOW I SAID FOR MY FOOT IN THE DOOR, BUT THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR JUST HAVING MY “FOOT IN THE DOOR”.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO

I HATE EVERYTHING

I HATE IT

I should just cancel all my plans

I suck

I truly suck

I suck I suck I suck I suck

I am a terrible person and I should never ever ever draw again

Artwork, you suck

You are awful

Awful awful awful awful awful awful awful awful awful

I hate you

I hate everything about you

You linger in the background like a bad memory and bug me to work on you when I really desire to do something else…

Maybe that’s part of my problem too. I want to do other things and artwork just likes to come around and give me a creepy smirk, telling me to work on it. Oh, sketching is fine. It might take me 30 minutes or less. But then I get to that line art stage and I am ready to chuck things.

Why did I have to start colouring in the first place? Why can’t I just post up black and white sketches and just call it a day? Why do I have to ink crap and colour it all? Why? Why? Why? WHY? All for the sake of other people so they think the piece is “finished”?

Why.

Why.

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

Again, I don’t mind sketching or doodling, but the colouring process I hate. I hate it so much. Even right now I am flaring up in anger.

Nobody wants to listen to me either, I keep being brushed off. Nobody wants to hear me complain about how much I hate artwork. Nobody wants to hear me complain about how much time it takes and how I’m so stupid for even thinking about it. Nobody wants to hear me complain that my commissions are too high and price and I feel bad and I’m feeling so conflicted because the higher price makes me want to improve and improve fast, yet I don’t feel like I have anything to actually start improving with and even if I did, did I really want to do that? I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.

I hate artwork.

I think I need to accept that.

I hate artwork. I hate inking. I hate colouring. I like doodling. I like sketching. I hate everything else. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I know, extremely informal rant and stuff, but I hate artwork. I really do.

This all started with me working on a piece for somebody else…

This is too much. I hate this.

I need to think long and hard if I want to give up on artwork.

I mean, I had some really cool plans…but none involving drawing for other people.

I hate drawing for other people. It kills everything. It kills it. Everything kills it.

I was already being killed by the inking and the colouring. Then you throw doing this crap for other people? I’m dead. I have died. I have been killed.

I should just go disappear…that would be a good thing, right?

argh. artwork. you suck. I hate you. I need you to go poof. especially right now.

what do I want to do instead?