I guess this is vaguely a follow up to my “what do you REALLY want to do” post. My room is nearly clean and I need to get ready to finish up the goals of this year and think about what I would like to do in the future. I need to stop running away.
For those “concerned” people who worry about me getting an actual job, that’s actually at the top of my list. Once my room is cleaned (and perhaps the shading on all my artwork) is finished, then you can say “hello” to job searchin’ for me! School is on there too, but that’s not for quite a bit. I’m not ready for school yet. You might think I’ll never be ready, but I know at some point I’ll be ready. A job, on the other hand, I’m almost ready for. I would be pushing myself to get one now if I wasn’t already aware that I need to get a few things done so I’m not wallowing in depression. Even if you don’t like what I’m say, well, that’s way too bad.
When I sit down and listen to myself, watch myself, and write myself, I can break down my eventual focus areas into:
– Creative Works
Then these can be broken down even further. Well, at least, the last three can. Heck, they can be combined as well. Japanese, Creative Works (Writing/Artwork/Sewing), Geeky (Pokémon/Assassin’s Creed/Website), Dancing (Parapara/Non-parapara), they’re all things I want integrated in my life. Perhaps not everyday, but one or two a day. A week. A month. I would say a year, but that’s a bit too long.
I don’t want to stress my out with thinking too far ahead, like I always do. Then I end up losing some temporary interest the longer I stay away from whatever it is.
When I really, really, really listen to myself two things pop right into my head: Japanese and Pokémon. I want to focus on them again.
This is pretty straight forward, but I just want to get back to studying with Genki II. I’m on lesson 16 and I have been since, what, July 2012? I’m kind of frustrated with myself because I would like to know more Japanese than I do right now. I want to get through Genki II so I can start planning my next course of action for learning Japanese. Sometimes I think “oh, I should drop it” but then I get thrown into some situation where I need to use Japanese (usually translating) and I remember just how much I love the language!
I love Pokémon. I find it inspiring. It makes me happy. It sometimes also makes me mad, but it usually just makes me happy. Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad fan because I haven’t completed certain games and I don’t actively participate in the fandom like my other friends. I still get that strange fear I got when I was younger that I’ll suddenly not like Pokémon anymore, but I keep proving myself wrong! And I hope to keep on doing that.
Indulging in Pokémon is actually really straight forward. I just need to watch the anime, play the games, read the manga. It’s all really easy stuff.
I need to stop running away. Whenever I want to do something, I pull myself away from it. Even when I want to do it and I’m not doing anything! Sometimes it’s out of laziness, but sometimes it’s because of some strange fear. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of!
Japanese is a bit more difficult. It’s still relatively straightforward, like focusing on Pokémon, however, it takes arguably more time to do. I’m also still struggling if I like the order I go in or not, which would be: Read 3 lessons (the one I’ll be focusing on, then two after it), study the vocabulary of the lesson I’ll be focusing on, reread the lesson again, take notes (two or three days), do the textbook practices, do the workbook practices, do all the kanji practices, repeat. It takes a long time, but I notice that what I learn sticks around a lot longer. Okay, so it’s EASY, but I just don’t like all the time it takes.
Right now, I feel with Japanese, I should finish the rest of the textbook. Then I should spend a few months heavily reviewing all the material, relearning what I need to, working on points I’m weak with. This includes making a “study guide” and making another notebook with everything I’ve learned from the textbook. I plan on adding additional material from my JLPT study guides. Once that is done, I can decide what to do next: head onto my structured intermediate textbook or go off the rail, focusing on other areas (mostly kanji)? I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.
For now though, I know I just want to finish Genki II and do that dang “study guide” so I can put it on my freakin’ phone and Elegance (my iPad Mini) to look up things I can’t 100% remember wherever I am. It’d be SO great and it’d actually help me remember more.
Parapara and Assassin’s Creed usually pop into my head shortly after or randomly. Parapara usually pops into my head when I’m sick of sitting at my computer and want a bit of exercise or when a Eurobeat song I used to know the dance of comes on random. Assassin’s Creed just comes around because oh man, I love the series, and it’s usually what I think of doing to relax. It tends to make me relax and make me much happier if I’m down. I’m actually not really too far behind for AC – I need to get around to reading all the novels and actually work up the strength to not get pissed off at the DS games so I can finish them.
Assassin’s Creed is obviously something I can do when I’m bored or need to relax.
Parapara is a bit of a different story. I used to be able to dance around 200 dances. Now I can just barely dance…5, maybe? Okay, maybe more like around 10 or 11. I don’t know. I need to work to rebuild up my skills in parapara and start doing it pretty regularly – at least once a week, if not three times or more. I miss dancing parapara – I stopped because of my lack of interest in Eurobeat and because I was sick of just side stepping. But side stepping is a lot better than just sitting here or swinging my hips.
Love Me Softly (Rewrite) and Kelly’s Journey pop in my head next for me.
Actually, they both popped up a bit earlier for me.
Love Me Softly is that book I wrote in 2010/2011. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go look in the writing category or go look in my tags. Anyway, after getting about halfway through reading the book, I knew everything that was wrong with the stupid book – the characters relationships aren’t really shown too well, there’s way too much sex, and the book itself should be a lot shorter. Like, half as long.
I also should realized I should be writing my own books like how I write Kelly’s Journey: in episodes (well, chapters). It’ll come out significantly better, be less stressful, and it should – hopefully – come out much better.
I actually have ideas for it now, but I need to develop them even more. For instance, I want Chris to spend more time actually chasing after Alex and them not having sex until towards the end of the book. I also want to introduce Michael a lot earlier and have him show up a lot more than he originally did. I actually should get back to reading that somewhat crappy book. I bet it would inspire me.
Then there’s Kelly’s Journey. I’m kind of in one of those “maybe I should just drop it” moods for it and it upsets me. I want to get back to focusing on it. I want to start writing at least one episode a month, if not more (ideally one a week, but that’s not going to happen right now). I feel bad that I’ve delayed it for so long for all the Kelly’s Journey readers. I feel bad too that I don’t feel like working on it. I wish I felt like working on it and I wish I was working on it. I’m hoping it’s because I’ve been waiting for someone to send me the transcript, since she went ahead and typed it up for me. I’ve failed to get in contact with her though…
I really hope I can start working on Kelly’s Journey again and get farther than I imagined I would. And by that, I mean go through all of Kanto, Orange Islands, and Johto within the next 10 years. Or 5 years. Or 3 years. Okay, 10 years makes more sense if I keep pushing at it. 5 years might get me through Kanto. As long as I up my rate.
I want to up my Kelly’s Journey writing rate, dang it! It’s extremely spaced! I don’t want the quality to suffer either, if there is any quality to it.
Sewing is pretty straight forward. There’s a ton of really pretty things I want to sew, but my skills are stupidly rusty, like my Japanese! I don’t even know how to construct some of the things I want to make either. I hope it’ll be fun to learn how to. I just actually need to do it. At some point. Also, not helping I don’t have all my fabric choices here and I have no money to get the ones I actually want. And even if I did have the ones I want, there’s no guarantee I would be making it anytime soon!
My love for historical fashion has gotten me wanting to sew a ton of dresses and jackets and things. Primarily dresses. I’ve particularly fallen in love with the bustle era. Of course, before I sew any of that stuff, I need to sew the underwear – petticoats, corsets, chemises, bustles, bum pads. The works. The things that will give dresses shape. And before I even do those, I need to work up my sewing skills again so I can work on them with relative ease! (I’m hoping bum pads and petticoats will be among my earlier projects, in addition to bags and gloves.)
THEN WE GET TO MY WEBSITE AND MY ARTWORK. OH BOY. I love my website, but I get so lazy to work on it and never quite get satisfied with it. For my artwork, I have a strong love-hate relationship with it.
I need to get my website done at some point. I can already hear the voices of people telling me that no, I don’t need a website! I’m already interesting! My website has nothing to do with me being interesting. It has to do with me having what will essentially be a database of me. My virtual home. A place to collect all my thoughts, works, and links. I don’t really need one per se. I want one. Well, actually I shouldn’t say “I don’t need one”. I need a website if I ever decide to publish my books and want to make sure people can find information on it in one very specific spot. Also, having a website with organized information on it is quite useful when I’m advertising my commissions. It’s a lot clearer on my website than any old journal post of mine.
Artwork, oh artwork. How I hate you so. And how I love you. I want to draw, but I don’t want to draw. I hate my style, but I love it. I just…have too many conflicting feelings about doing artwork. What I would like to do, however, is get back to drawing. I want to draw new artwork and I want to colour new artwork. I can already see all the improvements I’ve made and I want to show them off and continue improving! Things I can’t do if I don’t get back to drawing. But I don’t want to continue drawing until I finish all my other artwork.
And do all the stupid artwork for my website.
Oh well. One day. Just one day.
– I want to get back to Japanese
– I want to get back to Pokémon
– I want to get back to Kelly’s Journey
– I want to get back to writing
– I want to get back to sewing
– I want to get back to a lot of stuff