[RAMBLES] Indecision is Terrible

One of my biggest flaws is my indecision. Sometimes, I am almost firm in my decisions, but then something swoops in and shakes it up. Other times, I just have too many options and my brain just cramps up, requiring me to contemplate on what I want to do.

Indecision decided to rear its ugly head today. I have been wanting to get back to sewing for a while – I enjoy it in the moment of actually sewing (pinning is actually kind of fun too), but other parts of the process I don’t like, such as cutting patterns and cutting fabric. Of course, everything I want to sew is too advanced for my current level of sewing skills, which are lower than they had been due to years of not sewing. It’s frustrating – I want to get back to it. I want to get to a high enough level where I can make Georgian clothing and Victorian bustles and all that.

Since I have today off and was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t work on artwork today, just save it for tomorrow, I decided to try and sew. I aimed to make some fingerless gloves from a Butterick pattern. They seemed simple enough and I love those kinds of gloves. I put on ARTPOP (Lady Gaga’s new studio album) and got to work! I highlighted the parts I needed to cut (as well as the parts I needed to leave or perhaps make note of on the actual fabric) and cut each piece out. It was going pretty dang well! Oh, then I noticed that something did seem a bit off about the main glove piece (a.k.a. not the thumb), wrapped it around my hand/arm, and, oh, look, too small. They didn’t have multiple sizes either all the way around – they appeared not to have taken arm circumference into account at all and that the fabrics aren’t stretchy. Just to test to see if my theory was correct, I just simply cut out one of the gloves and sewed JUST the glove (not the thumb) part together…and yep, I was right.

Too small.

Requires adjustments.

I actually had to cut the length of the glove just to get it to slide on (which was still hard to get on and off), which was fine since it was more of how I wanted the glove anyway.

If I want to do the glove, I’m going to have to modify the pattern, probably flaring out the bottom part ever so slightly to fit how my arm gets wider as you go down from my wrist.

Realizing all this whacked me with indecision. It’s already after 2 PM, I have work at 6:30 AM tomorrow, I would like to do other things today and not dedicate the whole day to sewing, which would most likely be full of heavy failure and half wins. Do I want to just go ahead and sew like I have been wanting to do, modifying the pattern to get the glove to fit properly? Or do I just want to scrap the project and just keep it in mind for another day? Even if I did make the gloves, what would I wear them with? I don’t have anything. What else do I want to sew? Can I modify my dress form yet?

If I start sewing now, I would only be doing it half baked. Sewing isn’t something I want to do half baked – it’s something I want to throw myself entirely into, much like how I put all my energy into my writing and how with artwork, I dedicate a lot of time and energy to completing them. Of course, I can’t throw myself into something unless I put time aside to do it.

I didn’t put aside time to do sewing yet.

I suppose I’m partially defeated by my current lack of skills and my desire to regain my skills and level up my ability. It’s discouraging because I want to do it so badly sometimes (worse when I’m browsing all the pretty historical things), but I know I can’t do it on a whim. It requires time, a bit of planning, and execution. I need to not get so discouraged.

I actually want to give myself some smaller projects to build up my skills again, like sewing some drawstring bags, making some basic quilt pillows (gotta remember how to work a rotary cutter), and some other small projects just to get me started. I would move onto slightly more advanced projects shortly after, working my way back up to making clothing, which I haven’t done in so long.

I want to make clothes again.

I want to modify my dress form to reflect my body more accurately.

I want to have a wardrobe of clothes I made.

I want to wear all the pretty historical clothing.

I want to experience the joys of sewing once again (which I also think might be one of the very few things I do that I actually enjoy doing for other people, believe it or not).

I just need to put the time aside for it, but alas, I have not done that yet. I currently don’t have time for it. I have goals to finish and a job to go to.

Hopefully one day.

For now, I guess I’ll have to get back to doing artwork because at least I know I can do that and it’s a focal point.