Yesterday, I attempted to write a post that was meant to be queued about fearing both success and failure. However, it very quickly became an angry, depression filled journal entry and I have decided to scrap it. There was one particular part of the entry where I decided to list my successes, in hopes I would cheer up. While, I’ll admit, all these successes have a type of bad aspect to them, they are successes since I achieved a goal of some sort.
Quoting the only part of the entry I actually want to save:
I suppose I should take a look back onto my successes where I failed to self-sabotage myself (…sorta…there were situations where one success ended up in failure of another, usually through self-sabotage…).
I successfully wrote the first draft of Love Me Softly in 2010/2011. It was also the first time I managed to hit the 50,000 word goal for NaNoWriMo. In fact, by the time I finished writing the draft, it was 130,000+ words! So, not only did I manage to succeed in TWO goals of mine, but I also managed to write more than I thought I would be able to for a single story.
I ended up completing all the main pages of my website at the beginning of this year. Prior to this year, all my webpages were incomplete.
I passed the Japanese Language Proficiency Test N5.
I got a job at Walmart after not having a job for a year and a half. I also managed to get the position I wanted a year and a month later.
I finished a STUPID amount of artwork I had been working on since 2011 that ended in 2013.
I’m sure I have had more successes, but those are the ones I remember the most immediately.
Oh, I suppose a bonus success was that at ConnectiCon 2009, I wore the same Ash costume I wore the year before at the masquerade and not only did someone recognize me in the dealers room, they told me I was their favourite act! That thought still makes me smile to this day.
Writing up these successes was nice. My brain likes to counteract them with the negative aspects, such as while I passed the JLPT overall, I failed the listening portion from like…23 out of 64 points or whatever. Balancing out these aspects would be good if I was feeling high on myself, but since I’m feeling low, that’s not really a good thing.
Despite my brain’s attempt to counteract the good feelings, some good feelings got through. It’s all thanks to the links, where I got to see physical documentation of my successes. The Love Me Softly one made me smile a bit, while posting about my goals I managed to achieve in 2014 filled me up with both amazement and happiness. The artwork I completed was nice as well, especially when I look back far enough and see the pretty featured images of the sketch fading into colour.
After I wrote the entry, I decided to go and read over my 2010 posts of Love Me Softly during NaNoWriMo. There were some embarrassing word mistakes in there, along with WAY too much of the story being revealed, but over all…they were kind of nice. I think more importantly, they gave me an idea!
First, I really liked how at the end of 2010, I dedicated specific months to specific things. November was NaNoWriMo, therefore it was dedicated to Love Me Softly, while December of that year was all about Kelly’s Journey. I think that’s a great idea and it’s something I should consider implementing. I will get more done that way too. I may have to put off stuff that starts to nag me about doing them, but the end result will be better productivity and more time to do other awesome things I want to do!
The second thing I really liked was my near-daily updates. There were a few days that I skipped over blog entries and ended up talking about those days within other entries. I do have to wonder: did the blog entries serve as a type of motivation? I knew nobody was reading my blog entries, but that’s okay. They might not be reading them now, but they might be reading them in the future! Heck, what if I read them in the future. Like I did. Just yesterday. I kind of wonder if just having a near-daily log of my progress in whatever I was focusing on was a good thing. I want to say yes, but I’m uncertain. I’ll have to try again.
I suppose I should try the theme-month and the near-daily blog updates. I’ll start to get more stuff done because I’ll understand the direction I want to go in, as well as have a way to keep me in line. Additionally, my blog will start being active simply because of the daily updates. I can post other content too, but I suppose the daily updates will become my thing.
I’m certain this won’t happen, but imagine if I became a well-known author one day and my fans, while trying to document the development periods of my stories, ended up using my blog for that? Imagine if it also gave inspiring authors ideas of the behind the scenes process to know what they are doing is okay? Hahahahahahahahaha, I know that’s not going to happen, but it’s certainly fun to think about!
I think for the most part, I’m going to keep these updates for myself. I’ll post them publicly, but their primary purpose is for myself.
Let’s try this, shall we?