[PERSONAL | MY DAY] Daily Update #7

Warning: I most likely will not be editing these posts, so please forgive any mistakes I make.

My day started with waking up sometime after 1 o’clock, then quickly falling back asleep afterward until 2. Once 2 hit, I decided just to wake up. I know I’m super tired, but I would like to get something done today. I also was contemplating seeing honey bee again today, but I also didn’t really feel like driving. I really wanted to work on his chibi instead.

Before I got up to work on my computer, I decided to read. I had really wanted to read last night, but because my eyes were stupidly sore, I just went to sleep. I read only one section of the book I was reading before I headed over to my computer and opened up the chibi file.

I really wanted to work on it.

As I was working on the file, I kept making sure that Hurricane definitely didn’t want to see me today. He said he did, but didn’t really want me to come over to his parents place, so I was going to listen. I kept checking every-so-often, especially watching as it kept getting later. I very quickly realized that I wasn’t going to see him for the next few days because of work.

While messaging him on Skype, I got another add, from somebody from YouTube who has recognized me from honey bee’s videos. The chatting was a lot of fun, although we didn’t really talk about anything in particular. I’m hoping to talk to them more in the future.

I watched the time go by as I chatted with Hurricane and the person from YouTube (separate messages) and worked on the picture. During this time, Hurricane had gotten a call from the Walmart I used to work at and they asked him if he was still interested. He was SO upset, since they are literally a month too late. When he needed a job there, nobody contacted him. Now that he’s here, they’re all contacting him. It sucks.

I could tell he wasn’t too happy as I messaging him, so I finally told him I was coming over. I took a shower, got dressed, and headed over. On the way there, I was feeling extremely depressed: the blog entry I had written in between all this colouring, chatting, and reading had really affected me. I felt my ego was bullying me once again and I was so frustrated with everything in life. I started to cry in my car. My music wasn’t making it any easier, as for whatever reason, my phone wouldn’t play anything and I really didn’t want to listen to the Electra Heart album for the umpteenth time (I LOVE that album, but…I really wanted something more upbeat and not as dramatic).

I eventually got to his house, found a parking spot SUPER close, surprisingly enough, and texted him while sitting in my car. I just kind of sat in there, continuing to feel really sad and reading the text he had sent me shortly after I left. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him waiting at the front door of his house. I walked over there and told him I didn’t feel like going up; I didn’t feel like taking off my shoes (it’s what the text was about), nor did I want to put on a smiling face for his parents when I have no energy to do so. I told him I would go back home, but he told me we could go take a walk instead.

We took a walk over to his friends house. He had messaged his friend, asking if he could borrow his mother to talk to for a bit, since both of us aren’t exactly the happiest. So, his friend’s mother walked with us all over. The pretty boy claimed he wasn’t going to hold my hand until I told his friend’s mother what’s going on with me and why I’m so depressed, but he caved. I don’t think we can really get enough of each other, haha.

Finally I just said it straight out: I’m sick of Walmart, I want to quit, but I can’t quit until I find another job so I am going to continue to search for one.

Hurricane expressed his majour concern that I’m going to crack one day and just up and quit. His friend’s mother said I’m allowed to crack, but I can’t quit. I kind of laughed, since I already knew that. At the same time, that’s a problem. She then said it’s better to have a job until you get a new one because it still brings in a flow of money.

I’ll admit, there’s a lot more than just Walmart going on, but Walmart is just one of my sore sides that I want to get rid of. (Now, don’t take this the wrong way — I have NOTHING against Walmart as a company. I am just PERSONALLY sick of working there and this Walmart I transferred to is just…awful. It’s a different kind of awful from the one I came from.)

Eventually we walked his friend’s mother back home. Hurricane went inside to talk to his friend, while his friend’s mother and I talked. We started talking about money and how Hurricane wants to hold onto my money, because he’s afraid I’m going to spend it all. I showed her and explained to her about what I’m doing to budget and help save money. I also expressed a couple other troubles as well in relation to money, like how Hurricane and I want our own place, but unless I get a better job or a second job, that’s not going to happen any time soon.

We briefly talked about school too. I told her about how the only reason why I want to go to school is so I can have the option of working and living in Japan. I also said that my problem with getting a degree is not knowing what field I want to go into — not because I don’t have an interest or a direction, but rather I have TOO MANY directions to go in! Web design is my majour consideration, simply based on the adrenaline rush it likes to give me, but I don’t know.

It was a good talk, but Hurricane’s friend (who’s also my friend…I should have probably mentioned that, haha; his friend and his family are like our family) had to continue working on an essay and everybody else had to go to bed.

Hurricane, who had so kindly listened to some of my troubles earlier while taking a walking, including me complaining about how I was super hungry earlier today and I didn’t like what I chose to eat and I still want pizza or a veggie burger with dijon mustard, offered to take me to Burger King. I agreed, since I could get a milkshake. He offered to pay, which was kind.

We went to Burger King. I ordered a milkshake, a large fry (for us to split), and a small drink. He ordered two double cheeseburgers. They were out of the milkshake mix, so I opted for a strawberry-banana smoothie instead. We sat down in the spot where we first spent time together two years ago and ate. The fries looked super small to us and the drinks looked more like they were medium, rather than a small. I can’t really remember what we talked about while we were there, but it was kind of nice. Of course, I was still kind of blah.

When we were walking back to his house, we passed by his friend’s house again. Hurricane began to shout “NERD”, which prompted his friend to turn around and look out the window. I can’t remember what his friend said, but his friend’s mother came outside and made a comment about how nerd isn’t an insult. Hurricane, of course, kept doing a variation on the not-serious insult of “nerd”. I took advantage of our temporary stop to throw out the smoothie I had finished, just before we headed back to his place.

We parted and I headed home. I was very sad we couldn’t be more snuggly, but when he’s near his house, he avoids contact beyond handholding. It makes me sad, but oh well. I get why he does that.

On my way home, a good amount of songs came on. “Fire on the Moon” by Aleph in particular really helped to bring up my mood. I also had decided that instead of heading home first, I would head to Walmart and try picking up some Parmesan cheese, since I ran out of it, and maybe pick up a few things for lunch so I didn’t have to rely on completely crap food for the next two weeks.

I arrived at the Walmart, which I thought I had about 20 minutes left, only to remember today is Sunday. Well, was Sunday. It closes at 10, not 12.

UUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH.

THAT IS SO ANNOYING.

I felt fortunate that there was a 24 hour CVS across the street, but I really would have preferred to go to Walmart. It just made me remember that I actually really do like 24 hour Walmarts. I must have been spoiled by them back where I came from. I can’t wait to go back.

I headed home, made some pasta for dinner (it was delicious this time around), and watched some YouTube videos and completed the chibi for Hurricane. I also made a website banner, since I hope to launch a website dedicated to his stuff soon.

Today, overall, was kind of okay. I have many frustrations related to my life right now, but I can already feel I’m suppose to start buckling down in the areas I would like to buckle down in. Only time, thought, organization, and action will tell of the results!