I tried to log onto this blog via my laptop and couldn’t remember my password! Luckily, I was still logged in on my desktop, so I quickly changed it and was able to log in from my laptop! WHOOT! Fantastic.
Okay, let’s start.
In previous years, there was something about the whole year that felt big to me — either I didn’t accomplish anything, I accomplished something, or the year had a lot going on. I noticed that 2017 is perhaps the most uneventful year I’ve had. Looking back over it, I’m having a hard time finding any sort of majour moments that really defined this year. It’s been pretty equal, to be honest.
Let’s Look Back at 2016
In 2016, I went to a handful of conventions with great success, got hired at a job full-time, got married, put out THREE comics, went vegan, and completed quite a few goals! I think it was my most successful year yet and I had some high hopes for 2017. For a full review of 2016, visit the blog post.
Did the high hopes for 2017 pan out like I had hoped? 2016 was pretty dang great, after all!
I think you guys can already tell the answer is…eeeeeeeeeh. It was a thing.
First Half of 2017
I started 2017 working in a job I was trying to enjoy and stick with, but really, really hated.
Like, really hated.
I had been working at my full-time job for only a few months. It was a print shop and I was hoping to learn more about the print industry. If anything, I learned that I don’t like unorganized small businesses, the actual print industry is a mess for organization, and the hours required of me did not fit into my natural sleeping patterns.
I was in a constant cycle of starting Monday with a shiny attitude and by Friday being overtired and depressed. It was affecting work all around — both for TrainerKelly’s Network and the work I was doing for that job.
I really, really, really wanted to quit, but I continued to lie to myself and insist on staying for my husband and my mother. I couldn’t just up and quit, could I? Plus, it was a full-time job and I should be thankful! It’s so hard to come across full-time without a college degree after all, right? Right?
And my husband and I were looking into getting a house per my mother’s suggestion, especially since I had a full-time job now!!
Arisia Con was the first convention of the year, right in January. Despite my bad placing for the first two days, I really enjoyed the convention atmosphere. It was pleasant, open, and accepting. I met numerous amazing people, a few who I have kept in contact with, even if just briefly over Instagram and Facebook.
Shortly after Arisia Con, I began to work on (or before Arisia, I don’t remember), I worked on my 1-panel comic, Fairy Glimpse, and completed that for the next Instagram run. I knew that Naitmarish Glimpse would soon be ending and it would be taking its place. I don’t normally work on any projects in January (usually just how things flow), but I felt like doing so this time around.
The next convention was U-Con. I LOVED the convention last year, but this year, there were so many issues. I still have love for the convention though, so I hope that everything gets straightened out. The worse part of the convention was having to jump between rooms for two days of the convention. I made FAR less money and the last day of the convention genuinely upset me because nobody said there was a basketball game going on and it was cash-only. It was AWFUL. When they do U-Con again, I hope it’ll be during a non-basketball game weekend.
The day after U-Con, when I went back to work, I was expecting my co-worker (who had also attended U-Con) to come back in the afternoon as he usually did and we would discuss the convention. However, that’s not what happened — instead, they got let go. And not just them, but ANOTHER person also got let go! The owners kept reassuring me that I wasn’t getting fired and I was doing well, which made me happy because I was trying to stay on top of things…
…but I started sliding. I wanted to quit or I wanted to be fired, let go. I didn’t know which one, but I wanted one of them to happen. At least if I was fired or let go, it wouldn’t entirely be my fault…right? Right? I just hated the job so much.
About a week or two after U-Con was Fubuki Con, which was, by far the most pleasant and successful convention of 2017! It’s a wonderful little convention in Amherst, NY that was made even more special this year because my friend, Michele Knotz, was attending as a guest! I also ended up getting a second table at the convention without asking/having to pay for it, met not just one, but THREE fans of my husband’s YouTube works, and made more money than last year. If I regret anything, it’s not being able to spend more time with Michele, who was right across from me.
I think in early April, or late March. my job hired the replacement for my friend. Some kid who I didn’t like very much. One of the things I really enjoyed about my job was being around people older than me and keeping conversations mature. Not this kid though. And it made my job there more unbearable. I mean, he wasn’t a bad person. I just didn’t like him.
During this time, my husband and I also moved in on a house right down the street from my mom. My mom had been suggesting it for MONTHS, but I said no, but decided to go for it. It was a cute little house and organizing the space would be a bit difficult, but I was sure I could work with it! We looked at it, jumped on it, and we got the house!
However, there were some issues — we needed a different type of mortgage, the house needed A LOT of work, and I realized something important to me: there was not enough space. The more I went to the house, the angrier I got because there was not enough space. If my books are not going to fit, there is not enough space. (I’m sure some people are like “why don’t you just get rid of the books or most of them” and my answer is no. My books mean a lot to me and yes, I understand I don’t take them with me when I die, but they can at least be donated or something amazing can happen to them. Personally, they are what I use to judge space.) The backyard was also FAR too big and my husband wanted to arrange the spaces to basically have no room for anything except his basics.
On April 28th, 2017, I was called into the office. I couldn’t tell if my manager was glad or if she was on the brink of tears, but I was let go. I WAS LET GO! The only thing that shocked me was that I didn’t quit first. They got ahead of me, but I had a feeling. My mom and I had been feeling they were going to for weeks now. I tried to suck it up — I was supposed to be thankful for full-time, right? I was supposed to get a house, right? I was supposed to do all that stuff, right? That’s what I was supposed to do and supposed to want, right? However, I couldn’t.
I remember when I came back from lunch a couple weeks before getting let go and the manager who was standing in for the regular one was horrified that I was late coming back from lunch. She had noticed the first time she had been there that I had done that, but the fact I kept doing it was seen as a problem. She asked me why I would do that and I kept my mouth shut, but I really wanted to be honest: I really hated the job. I want to quit, but I can’t do that to my mom or husband, so if I get let go or fired, at least I can’t entirely claim it to my fault. It ruins my sleep schedule, there is far too much work, it messes with my own work, and I don’t care about the job. I have no desire to be a good, complacent employee there.
But I got let go on April 28th! I called my mom and my husband. My mom didn’t get mad because just like me, she already knew that it was a blessing in disguise and I had something more important to do. My husband, on the other hand, was devastated. He kept asking questions about what happened, what will happen to the house, stuff like that. I started to cry. I don’t think I would have cried if I couldn’t hear how devastated he was.
With that terrible job out of the way, I sat down and sketched the remaining pages of Fairies’ Day, which is a 4-panel comic series that I had been slowly hacking away at. Once I finished sketching, I switched over to what I was being pulled to: my online shop.
I’ve been wanting a proper online shop. Not the stupid Storenvy one I had with the terrible layout and stuff, but a good one hosted on my website. After poking around for a while, I decided on Woocommerce and went forward with it.
I also began to apply for new jobs during this time, but after the first two weeks, I stopped and let it sit. I personally applied to everything I could and everything in-between.
In June, I was hired at WG. I was overwhelmed being back in retail after 6 months, but I quickly got the hang of it. I soon discovered that WG has been the job I have been waiting for.
Second Half of the Year
I went to ConnectiCon for the first time since 2009 and was just utterly disappointed. It was awesome seeing a handful of people from the other conventions I attended earlier in the year (it was kind of like that “all the previous character return” episode in TV shows) and having an entire newsletter sign-up sheet filled out, but other than that, it was very eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. I could have done without it. With the failure of ConnectiCon, I became depressed.
WG, around this time, also had cut hours because it was close to the end of their fiscal year. Due to these lack of hours, I started pursuing a second job — or third, if you count TKN. My first attempt was a fail, but my second was successful!
Before I got the second job, I had brought up to my managers that I wanted more hours. At first, they told me to get more surveys.
Then my hours picked up literally the week I started the second job.
I was at the second job for about a month before I quit. I was honestly too slow and I realized it needed precision I don’t have. I’m an approximate kind of person, not a precision. I was also having a morals issue. I was working at a sandwich shop that serves animal products. I’m more of a health vegan, so I spend a lot of my vegan-research looking at studies about how animal products affect our body and the general consensus is they affect us in not-so-good ways While I had no problem giving carcinogen-filled sandwiches to adults, giving them to children broke my heart. I realized I was having an ethics issue, not related to the animals, but rather the humans, and could no longer work there.
Luckily, it didn’t affect me too much and the money from the second job came in at the time I needed it and left at the time I no longer needed it.
I was supposed to go to a convention in September, but due to communication issues, my table and panel space (the panel I didn’t want to do) was given away. I was upset, but also thankful because some type of electrical work got loose in my car and it no longer started. Fantastic. At least everything is better now! I think…I don’t know. My car is having issues, but I hope it will have a few more years left.
In October, I got to work on my projects once again — I adjusted my comic style to something that I would better enjoy, started working on a bunch of comic scripts, and just generally got to work. Originally, I was aiming for a December 2017 release date, but as I worked on the projects, I realized that had to be postponed. I was going to work on all the comics I scripted originally and complete them, but two months was too short for that. I cut it down to four and then to two, then I kept working until I acknowledged that I needed a break and I needed to regroup and think about how I want to move forward.
The Theme of 2017
If I was to pick a theme for this year, it would be honesty.
Honesty to myself and honesty to others.
I realized earlier in the year that I try to lie to myself all too often, causing me to be unhappy for extensive periods of time. I know we can’t be happy all the time (and why would I want to be), but a good majourity of the time, I could be. However, because I am lying to myself, I prevent myself from trying to pursue something happier.
All three jobs I had this year really made me realize how important honesty is. How important it is to be truthful to myself and to others. It’s why I left the third job of the year so easily. It’s also why I ended up with more hours for the rest of the year.
October was a pretty amazing month of realization for me on the honesty and being truthful to myself front: I finally realized that in the back of my mind, I am screaming with fear. However, I also realize too that there is a clear divide between this fear-filled me and the truthful me. If I’m going to try and do anything in 2018, it’s to understand why I am screaming and to help heal.
Honesty with myself is also making me realize that I am still holding myself back with TrainerKelly’s Network. I am not taking it seriously somewhere and I know it has to do with the screaming in the back of my mind.
Onward to 2018
Normally, when I see myself for the next year, I see just my girl side (or pink side, as my husband calls it). The Queen side. When I see her holding something, it’s usually a scepter or a fan. However, for 2018, I see both my girl & guy side (or pink and green side, if you will) and my girl side is wielding a sword. And I am going into action.
I’m not sure what is ahead for 2018, but I’m wielding a sword and creative energy.
I’ll see you guys later to go over my goals of 2017 and whether or not I accomplished them! And then, after that, I’ll see you for a 2018 GOAL POST~!!
I think you guys should read all of my 2017 posts to get a better feel for 2017. I don’t think this overview does it justice. Here are all the posts of 2017:
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If you like the shirt I wear in my video, feel free to check it out on the online shop!