I’m a Failure.

This whole “two weeks” thing isn’t work quite as well as I hoped. Not necessarily in the manner you would think it would fail in. For me to describe the situation best, I felt burnt out and distracted. I still have a ton of artwork (and by that, I mean around 70 images) to do, which is partially stressing me out. I also think I’m pushing myself too hard with starting the lessons one right after another, with no breaks in between. Even people in school get at least two days off!

My mind goes through “cycles of focus”. To be honest, I don’t know how random or scheduled they are. I can usually divide them into “categories”: artwork, writing, Japanese, and sewing. The first three happen the most often. The last one doesn’t really happen, unless I’m going through a depression phase or get motivated by something. Artwork and writing can usually be divided into further categories, like line art & colouring and fanfiction & original stories respectively. Basically, I will spend a week or so solely focused (or wanting to be solely focused) on one of these categories and/or one of their subcategories and I generally don’t stop until I complete something or hit a mental block. Sometimes these cycles are triggered by inspiration sources (music, people, etc.), while at other times they just happen for no particular reason.

The week I spent on lesson 7, I was on a Japanese focus cycle. By the end of two weeks, I was done with that cycle, especially since my birthday was so close and I wanted to get some artwork done. My mind shifted over to an artwork mode and I shoved Japanese aside.

There was a few other factors too, like me failing horribly to put a sentence together (that was honestly out of my vocabulary & grammar range, so I shouldn’t have felt so bad) that shut my mind off and seemed to partially seal away Japanese. If it was fully sealed away, I wouldn’t want to read or hear Japanese at all, but that’s not what happened. I just didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to just take things in, not thinking of its meaning or anything.

It’s important to me that I complete my two textbooks this year, so I’m starting to try and trigger one of these “Japanese cycles” once again, even though a part of me just wants to shelf it for two months or so and just finish artwork. I wish I knew how to undoubtedly put myself into one of these Japanese cycles, but I don’t unfortunately.

I think to help me catch up, I’m going to be attempting to double up my lessons. Of course, by telling you this, I’m most likely going to fail horrible at that too. I’m afraid I’ll get the lessons confused if I do this, but who knows. I think it’s worth trying!

I think I’ll spend two weeks on two lessons (done at the same time), then take two week breaks to work on artwork, writing, and such. I think it’d be a great idea for a break.

Check back in a few weeks! I’ll update you on the progress!