I don’t know. Tired. Blaaaaah.

I’m having one of those moments where I feel like doing something, yet I don’t feel like doing anything. There’s so many things I could be doing and I would love to, but I just don’t feel like it…and yet I do. I know, that’s confusing. I don’t think it’s laziness either. I think it’s wanting to do too many things at once, but wanting in such a way that isn’t intense. It’s just a light wanting – something one can pass over pretty easily.

I wonder:

Do I continue my 3rd rewatch of Red Dwarf in preparation of watching series X for the first time?

Do I play Assassin’s Creed 3: The Tyranny of King Washington – Episode 2: The Betrayal that I downloaded this morning?

Do I continue filling out job applications?

Do I make dinner to attempt to get the taste of garlic out of my mouth?

Do I doodle pictures of my characters in various Victorian-inspired clothing I would love to see them in?

Do I work on the remaining images I have to colour just so I can finish them?

Do I sew the remaining two pouches to house crystals meant for some friends?

Do I continue my parpara refresher and review “1 FOR THE MONEY 2 FOR THE SHOW”?

Do I sit down and read the books I’m in the middle of so I can get closer to finishing them?

Do I go work on my laundry?

Or do I go to sleep, waiting another day to work on everything?

I would say I should go in priority order, but it gets fuzzy after the job applications…

I mean, I don’t even know what I want to do right now.

Actually, right now, sleep is sounding nice. But do I really want to? Do I really want to go to sleep? Or do I want to stay up longer?

I think a part of me is resisting doing anything because I think I might end up feeling guilty. I’m already feeling pretty guilty for not having a job and I’m hitting that point where I don’t want to sit around my room all day, just waiting. It sucks. I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to be watching TV shows or playing video games or doing artwork or anything like that for a while – I can only apply to jobs and do chores. That way, my guilt will be decreased. Or so goes my thinking.

Also, I completely lack energy to really do anything even remotely productive right now. Ugh. I should probably wait until next week for video gaming. Maybe more Red Dwarf this week, but while doing something semi-productive. Like filling out job applications. Or doing laundry. Or cleaning up the kitchen. And stuff.

And now I’m ending this before I put my head on my desk and fall asleep.